Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Dear Julie...

It's been nearly a year. A full year in two days. It is so hard to believe and even harder to understand how this is possible. A year without your smile, your love, your passion. I don't know how, but somehow we made it through. So what do we do next? What do you want us to do? You know that all of us think about you daily--you are truly in our hearts and minds every day, at least in mine. Do we sit around and think about all of the pain we have been through because of your leaving us, about the pain that you might have endured before you died? No, I think we need to focus on your life. Like my mom said, focus on something that Julie would have wanted you to do. And it is so true. You were never the type of person who wanted to be in the forefront, in the spotlight. Somehow though, because of someone's or something's master plan, you were.

And still are.

And life will never really be the same. Ever. And that is okay. Things can change as long as we know why or for what purpose. Your love and life, Julie, filled everyone. You had such an enormous amount of beauty and faith in people and God. So how can I celebrate you? How can I even try to justify your life with a good act? Accept people for who they are--never think about the negative but give people the benefit of the doubt. Love everyone as if it were the last day that you would see them. Be with them, be them. And maybe, just maybe, you'll find yourself on the way there. Maybe, somehow, I can celebrate your life--not necessarily by talking about you but by actually doing something. Making a difference, showing that other people are more important. By having faith, showing love, and accepting whatever happens.

So, should I shed more tears? Will my tears help anything? Will they ever go away? I don't want to cry anymore. I want to smile and know that you are here, that you ALWAYS will be. I don't want to be angry anymore, no more confusion. Please Julie, let me know that you are okay and that someone is protecting you and not letting any harm come to you. Please help me to be patient and wait--to know that the answers will come in their own time, that I shouldn't focus on the answers but instead just think about all of the amazing, wonderful things that have happened and will happen because of October 1, 2003. A love happens, a lasting friendship.

And maybe, just maybe...if all of the people that you affected unite together to help someone else feel loved, we would understand why it happened. Why God chose to take you at this time. Why He "needed" you. Julie, please just help us to be.


At 3:22 PM, Blogger ^Lirvha^ said...

Hi, I'm Jessica, the Spanish Girl. I have been so busy and I could'n read your blog.

What amazing text, you have make me cry...You write with pasion, conffident, and also sad. The tears are no bad, It's shows that this is important to you ...but relax dear friend, because she is resting in peace, and we all will rest together in the heaven.
Go on, she is with you! she is protecting you...and this things make us stronger. So keep going on day by day. Kisses!


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