Thursday, September 30, 2004

Dear Julie...(2)

So, I guess that it's time. Time to deal with it again. I don't know how to do it though. How do I accept this? How do I help my friends but try to help myself at the same time? My mom has told me that I need to start focusing on me, but I can't do it. All I can think about is how I'm letting everyone down. I should be there, to support, to talk, to be with everyone but at the same time, mom doesn't think it's a good idea. Why is that? Why can't I? Why doesn't she want me to come home? I know that she is thinking of me but what about my friends? My friends who sounded so excited about the prospect of me coming home. How do I deal with that? With the pain of knowing that I let them down--that I am letting them down not only this time, but probably in the future too. How?

Julie, I hope that, in some way, my trip to the home tomorrow will be glorifying you. I don't know how, but hopefully it will. Hopefully I will know how to do this by being with people that you would have spent so much of your time with. That you would have been happy to dedicate your life to. I think about you all the time Julie. I wonder how you are, where you are. How we can learn to live without you, how your parents can learn to live without you.

Julie, be with Mark and Erin tomorrow. Be with Joey and Dustin and Lucian and Shawn. Be with your mom and dad and your sisters. Be with us all and help us to feel your prescence--to know that you are there. We need your help--we can't do this without your help and guidance.

Be with us Julie. Never leave us. Help us to know that what is coming for all of us will be okay. That we will be together in the end, whenever that end may come.

We love you Julie and always will.

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