Sunday, September 12, 2004

life happens.

sometimes life takes something and smacks you across the face to remind you how precious our time on earth is. for me, this "something" comes in many different forms. a movie, a child, a smile, a song, a phone call, a car accident, a death. my current things--garden state, my new niece or nephew, my cousin last night as we got tipsy, let it be, kyle's friend, julie. i wonder why i have gotten smacked so often lately. i must need it but its killing me...every time it hits me, it gets harder. i don't want to go on at times, but then, the next hit comes and all of sudden i'm back in the world. i know what i'm supposed to do and i do it. but what happens between the hits?

life happens.

loss of a friend and loss of even greater friends because of change. because of time. loss of faith in god--whatever god there may be happens. a god that has been there for me for my entire life and I know is still there now just disappears to me. I don't know how to find him back. I don't know how to understand that everyone comes into my life and everything happens for a reason. do any of us ever fully understand? are we doomed to walk this planet, this BEAUTIFUL planet, never needing to understand why we are here in the first place? is the mystery of life the thing that makes it all the more precious? all the more beautiful?

i wish i could hug my mom.

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