Tuesday, December 28, 2004


Hello all. I apologize for not posting in quite some time. So, an update post.

I'm still at home in Dutzow, MO. I have made a little money, spent even more. Christmas was good...relaxing. Visits with the family are much better now that I am older--for very different reasons. It is interesting how much the conversations I have with my cousins have changed over the years. Topics range from family relationships to our individual beliefs in a higher power. Hmmm...not too much has been going on lately, so I don't really have too much to post about. No big crises or revelations. Kind of boring actually. I did get an Ipod today, which makes me really happy...hehe (how many is that james?). Umm...that's about it. So a survey to see how many people actually read this...

What is your favorite color? Mine's blue.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

back at home!!

Hello ALL!!

I'm back at home in Dutzow, MO and I am SOO incredibly happy. It feels good not to have to worry about what is going on at school, not to worry about classes, friends, etc. I went out to lunch today with Shawn, Joey, and Shannon and it was a wonderful time. I feel so much more relaxed already. I slept wonderfully last night, no interruptions whatsoever. Right now, well...I just finished watching "Elf" which was absolutely wonderful, despite the fact that it looked awful. I'm listening to Nickel Creek now and loving the fact that my entire house now is wireless and that my parents got me a wireless card for my computer. That means that I can sit here in the basement and be on-line without having to worry about plugging my computer in to a phone jack. SUPER! Tomorrow, I plan to do nothing (in between going to the YMCA and finishing my laundry). I rented "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and so I'll probably watch that. But other than that, I am open for whatever! As long as it involves de-stressifying. Alright, well I'm going to bed now. AT ONLY 11:45!!

Whoever came up with Christmas break was a wonderful person!

Thursday, December 09, 2004

composer?? nah...

Listening to: One of my favorite Christmas songs..."One more sleep 'til Christmas" from the wonderful motion picture, Muppet Christmas Carol. What a wonderful movie--it makes me soooo incredibly happy. On top of that, I just got done doing my DDR workout!! YAY!!! The RD (res director) of my building is borrowing her tonight for some RA thing which makes me kind of nervous...I've never been without her.

So what's with the title? Please, let me explain. I sat down at a piano today and suddenly felt all of these words and notes coming from some deep recess in my mind. I ended up composing half of a song on the piano....with words! It makes no sense, especially since I don't really play the piano-at this point, I'm probably a better guitar-er than piano-er if that tells you anything. Although...I am improving on the guitar...I swear! It makes no sense to me that something that I haven't played in years has suddenly come back into my life. Very interesting.

Today was my friend Desirae's birthday...we went to Steak n' Shake...out of control...our waiter's name was Peter and I truly believe that he was scared of me. hehehe. I added another hat to my Steak n' Shake hat collection, which is always fun, since I've lost all of them over the years. I'll have to put this one up somewhere so that I don't lose it.

Anyways, I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately, but I don't know that I want to write about it. I'm still mulling everything over in my brain and I don't quite know if it will help to put it on here. Things get mixed up and I don't know what to do. How do you tell someone that you aren't happy anymore? How do you tell someone that you don't feel like you are even able to live in your own room or have people over? I just can't figure it out.

I just can't figure it out.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

in limbo!!

Right now, I'm listening to the Wicked soundtrack. It makes me happy because I haven't listened to it in quite some time. It's got some beautiful songs...including one about how people touch your lives and how you will never be the same after being friends with someone. I believe that no matter how long or short you know someone, they will always be in your hearts, despite how you end a relationship or friendship. So, for your enjoyment, the lyrics to "For Good" from Broadway's hottest new musical, Wicked.

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
have been changed for good
And just to clear the airI ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?
And because I knew you
Because I knew you
Because I knew you:I have been changed for good.

Limbo can sometimes be awful, but I think that right now, my limbo is looking up.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

all apologies...

Hey...sorry for not having posted in quite some time...oh well.

So...not too much has been going on. I've been happy though. I decided that I need to be more optimistic about life in general. When things get busy, I automatically get bogged down and stop looking at the positive. The positive things are what makes this world, this life worthwile.

Some funny stories...

Today in my Christianity class (I have a hot teacher...hehee) Dr. Prentiss, somehow, during the middle of class started going on a 5-10 minute tirade about the word "lover." Somehow, he gets on this topic based on Augustine's references to his concubine as his loved one. He believes that the word is now underused and that we, as students, should bring the word back to the Rockhurst campus. He gave the example that when we introduce him to our boyfriend/girlfriend, that we should instead introduce them as our LOVER! After the 10 minute discussion, he began to give us his philosophy on life--that love makes the world go 'round. A 5 minute discussion about his philosophy followed.

But that's not it.

Developmental Psychology...I have Dr. Scott, a long-haired liberal psychologist. He walks in to class five minutes late wearing a pink hat. Not pastel pink, but HOT pink! I put on my glasses to see why everybody is laughing more, and I read the writing on the hat....in even hotter pink, the word Lust. Sex is obviously on the mind of all of my professors today. Dr. Scott goes on to explain that his wife bought him a pair of jeans and that she got a free hat with it. Hot pink lust was the only one left. She asked if he wanted it and he gave her a resounding YES!

WHAT the hell is happening to our professors? I'm not sure...but I kind of like it....

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Week number two??

This is impossible. This site that does the horoscopes has been right on for the second week in a row. Yeah, yeah...I know that they make everything very general so that you can make it apply to your life no matter what, but usually I take them with a grain of salt. So maybe not knowing what is going to happen or what I'll be doing next is okay. I just need to learn how to deal with it-how to step back and let things be.

"Centuries of travel lore suggest that when we no longer know where to turn, our real journey
has just begun." So says Phil Cousineau in his book, The Art of Pilgrimage: The Seeker's Guide to Making Travel Sacred. I hope that's a perfect description of your current state, Cancerian. It may not be obvious yet, but losing your direction is the best gift you could have possibly been given. Being unsure of your next move is a crucial development in your life story, and a virtual guarantee that you will be in the right place at the right time for a divine intervention a few weeks from now.